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reasons gays should not be allowed to marry

Reason: Straight marriage will be less meaningful if civil marriage equality becomes law.Of course. Straight marriages are always meaningful. Just ask Britney Spears about her 55-hour “just for fun” marriage and its deep meaningfulness, or Rush Limbaugh about his four deeply meaningful marriages.

Reason: Civil marriage equality would change the foundation of society.

That’s right. Heterosexual-only marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms, just as we haven’t adapted to cars, longer lifespans, the abolition of slavery, or women voting.

Reason: Civil unions provide most of the same benefits as marriage—just with a different name.

Yes, “separate but equal” always works so well. Just think when we had separate schools for African-Americans and separate water fountains for the same — these worked beautifully, and were eminently fair.

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